Face it. The real reason you can’t find your soulmate through that dating app is because you’re using it wrong. Clearly you must not be clicking on the right button, otherwise Mr. Right would have appeared by now!
Just kidding. But seriously. Maybe you ARE using it wrong. Not, like, functions-wise. I’m sure your pictures are beautiful and your bio is clever and informative. But what if you’re not really taking it seriously? Maybe you believe the hype that dating apps are causing a dating “apocalypse?”
The truth is that the dating app is just another tool you can use on the path to finding a healthy, loving relationship. And an arguably very useful one at that.
Consider that if you find yourself doing any of the following 5 things, you might be blocking yourself from finding your soulmate:
1. You’re not being honest with your dates about what you’re looking for in relationship. Too many times I’ve heard people give the advice that women shouldn’t reveal off the bat if they’re looking for a committed, monogamous relationship.
But, why not? It’s not like you have to tell him on the first date that you’re looking for a committed, monogamous relationship with HIM, per se. Just that you’re seeking one of those in general.
If someone is so weak-minded that he freaks out and runs away after hearing that, consider yourself lucky without him. Additionally, if he’s not looking to be in a committed, monogamous relationship himself at the moment, then you just saved yourself a lot of trouble down the line, i.e., after you’ve gotten attached and he’s headed for the hills.
2. You’re not being honest with yourself about what you’re NOT willing to put up with. For example, you have continued to see someone who’s made it clear he’s not ready for a relationship – with you. Yet that’s somehow okay with you, because, well, YOU decided YOU’RE ready for a relationship with HIM.
Not having clear boundaries around what kind of a relationship you deserve, could leave you in denial about a bad situation, and slowly eat away at your self-esteem and self-value.
3. You’re chasing guys but don’t think it’s a problem. Are you following up with him the day before a scheduled date, just to make sure you’re still on? Chasing. Are you initiating contact of any kind with him? Chasing. Are you planning the date? Chasing. Calling him just to check in when you haven’t heard from him? Chasing.
Trust me. If a guy likes you and wants to see you, you’ll know it. Let him come to you. Don’t chase him, otherwise you’ll never know where you stand with him.
4. You believe all the lies you’re telling yourself about why you’re still single.
“I’ve dated all the available men in the city by now!” Um, impossible.
“There are no datable guys out there!” So not true.
“Men are intimidated by me.” Maybe the insecure ones, but you don’t want those guys anyway, trust me. Real men love independent, powerful women, who let them into their hearts.
“I’m not hot enough.” Girl, please; if you figure out how to love yourself – and I mean Really. Love. Yourself. – you will have so many suitors you won’t know what to do with them all.
“But I’m too old!” Last I checked, there were tons of men in your desired age group looking for love, too.
“All guys want from dating apps is to hook up; they don’t want to commit to a relationship.” While dating apps certainly make it easier for the guys-looking-to-hook-up, TO hook up, you can sift through those guys by making it clear from the beginning what you’re looking for–IF what you’re looking for is more than just a hookup. See my first point, above.
5. You’re giving up too easily after a few unsuccessful dates, then blaming the dating app. It is definitely frustrating when you’re the kind of person who likes to have control over everything in your life, to not know when love is going to show up for you. But rest assured that if you exist, he’s somewhere out there too.
In the meantime, go spend your time finding what gives your life meaning, purpose, and joy, keep going out on dates, and set a real intention to figure out how to love yourself. When that happens, it’s only a matter of time before you eventually click on the button that will reveal… your soulmate?