Month: April 2016

Traits You Need To Date Online Successfully

images (8)Humans are social beings and relationships are therefore vital. Falling in love is simply wonderful and it elevates you to a place you haven’t been before. There is really nothing as good as loving and being loved in return. Apart from getting into relationships the traditional way, technology now makes it simple for singles from all over the world to connect and even fall in love. And just like the traditional kind of dating, there are traits you need to have to be a success in online dating.

Honesty

The modern society has absorbed so many things even those that were previously thought immoral. For instance, the disgust that came with dating for money or dating for sex is no longer that much of disgust. There is therefore no reason to lie about what your true intentions are. Honesty should begin with you so you are able to be honest with other singles, especially when making your online profile. When you are upholding honesty, then you are able to join the right dating site and meet people looking for the same things you are.

Patience

This is very important to have because things do not always work as you expect them to. Online dating does give you great exposure compared to traditional dating but it does not mean that it will take only a day for you to find your ideal partner. It might actually take longer before you find someone you really connect with and someone you wish to know better. The least you can have is patience because it will save you from giving up along the way and rob you off the chance of meeting the one meant for you.

Commitment

This is commitment to search and maintain relationships you feel have potential to develop into something. Even though your profile might be available to the hundreds or thousands of singles who are members on the site, you still must commit time to also conduct a search and to evaluate interests so you can make sound decisions and work on relationships. A potential relationship will only yield fruits when you have the time to accord it some input so do your part and do it well.

Dignity

Just because you have turned online to find love doesn’t and should not make you desperate in any way. You should never allow people to take advantage of you just because they feel you are needy of their love. Enter into the world of online dating with your dignity in place and you will not give any room to people who have wrong intentions and motives. Value yourself and have standards and do not let anyone make you feel any less valuable than you are.

Confidence

If you keep on worrying whether other singles will find you attractive because of your age, weight, looks and other aspects that you are not very proud of, then your chances of being successful remain very minimal. Develop self-confidence and remember that the right person will like and love you just the way you are.

Relationship Status Investigation

download (28)Sometimes I wonder if technologies have helped us in making our life simpler or it has made it more complicated. Whether social media and social applications are meant to bring us closer to one another or to drift us apart? What do you need to know about an individual before you start giving your trust to them? Do you think if you talk to people once in a month, chat with them on WhatsApp every day and meet them once or twice in a year, is enough to trust them? If your answer is yes, then read further.

It was Friday night at around 11 PM when I received numerous messages on my WhatsApp from my friend, Sheetal Katkar, asking me to investigate about and get some information about Dronesh Mishra, who is based out of Nagpur. I was feeling very sleepy and at that point of time, I didn’t even care to read the entire text.

I know Sheetal for last 12 years. We might not be best of the buddies but we know enough about each other to fit into the definition of friendship. She is from Nagpur. In last 12 years, there were occasions when we didn’t communicate with one another for a couple of years and there were occasions when we stayed in touch on a daily basis for 7-8 months in a year. Sheetal is 35 years of age and working in Bangalore in the back-office of a leading bank.

Next day morning while taking my morning tea, I read the entire text shared by Sheetal on my WhatsApp. However, I decided to verify few details before wearing my investigation hat. “Who is this Dronesh? Why do you need to know about him? How did you know him?” I asked.

“Dronesh is known to my sister, Pooja since December 2014. She found him on one of the leading matrimony sites. Pooja is working with Software Development Company in Bangalore; while Dronesh is working in Delhi with an IT giant. They want to get married. Only once did I meet this guy and I found him decent. He is in touch with me through WhatsApp. However, we don’t know much about him. We don’t know his address. We don’t know about his family. And most importantly, we don’t know if he is single or already married,” she summarized.

“What do you know about this guy”?

“Nothing”

“What does Pooja know about him? How often do they meet?”

“They have met on few occasions. They usually stayed in touch through WhatsApp, Google Talk, and daily phone calls. She knows about his family. He has widow mother. She knows about his job and about his future plans, etc. Having known to each other for last one year, now they want to get married. Even his mother is asking him to get married soon. He is already 35 years of age; while Pooja is 31 years old”.

“Okay. Message me his contact details”.

After about half-an-hour, I called her up.

“Sheetal, this guy doesn’t seem to exist. There is no one with this name on Facebook, or Twitter, or LinkedIn, or Instagram, not even on any Job Portal”.

“That’s what. He is not on social media sites. He says that he don’t like to be on FB and Twitter, it’s waste of time. He doesn’t want to be on LinkedIn because he doesn’t need it. That’s the challenge. How can we find out about him without his knowledge? We don’t have common friends. Pooja has already spoken to our parents and they have given expressive approval but even they need to meet his family and parents”.

In today’s world, when CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies are on LinkedIn; when everyone is on FB and Twitter, he is not there. He is working for an IT organization. That’s very strange. But what should I do now? That’s my challenge.

Let’s take help of another App, Truecaller. As I key in the number, I found the name of some Ranjeev Singh Thakur. I thought maybe Dronesh has taken help from his colleague or friend to get a phone number on their name, probably when he was new to Delhi. But it made my work a bit more difficult. The Social identity of Ranjeev Singh Thakur can either be Ranjeev Singh Thakur, or it can be Ranjeev Singh or maybe Ranjeev Thakur.

Let’s try.

On LinkedIn, I found FIVE profiles with the name of Ranjeev Singh Thakur – TWO profiles with Display Pictures (DP’s) and THREE without Display Pictures. I downloaded both DP’s and sent to Sheetal and asked her to identify if one of them is Dronesh. To my surprise, she identified one of them as Dronesh.

“Are you sure”, I asked. In a case of any doubt, ask your sister to reconfirm.

After half an hour, she called back and reassured one of them as Dronesh.

For a moment, I was speechless and didn’t know how to react and what to say. The guy Pooja was meeting as her probable future husband, Dronesh was in real Ranjeev Singh Thakur. He wasn’t working with IT giant, as claimed by him but working with a Financial Service Company as Area Sales Manager.

Anyways, I called up both the sister, took them in a conference call and broke the news. They were equally shocked as I was.

Another fact that I found from his Twitter post was a fact that he was married 2011. Whether he is still married or not, I am not sure but he was married in 2011. Ranjeev has created a Gmail account with the name of Dronesh Mishra and he was using this identity to register on matrimonial and other social sites. Through this identity, he was communicating with at least ELEVEN females from across India.

At the end of it, I was uncertain of my emotions. Should I feel happy to have saved the life of a female OR should I feel sad for creating more problems for her?

The investigation was one part of this story. The complicated and more dangerous part was the confrontation, realization, and acceptance. At first, Dronesh refused to accept his identity as Ranjeev. But when we asked him to show his passport or Pan Card or Bank Account Statement, he accepted it. He apologized to Pooja and asked her to marry him. He further said that he has divorced his wife in 2013.

Pooja was hurt. She felt cheated. She didn’t want to keep any communication with him. As we say in the language of social media, she blocked his number. He wasn’t an easy net to crack. He began to stalk her. He threatened her to leak their intimate pictures and videos on the internet. Finally, we took the help of police. At the time of writing of this story, he is in jail for last SIX months.

From this case, few things are very clear –

1) Though there are no right or wrong ways of dating and while dating you don’t carry identify or address proofs. Yet, I think you can find the real identity of an individual after 2-3 meetings.

2) On one side, where social media has given a platform to increase your visibility and create your personal brand; it has also given new masks to fraudulent people and criminals to hide their identity.

3) We are living in the age of selfies; where we like to capture everything around us, capturing our every special moment, however, use your personal judgment to decide the line of control. You don’t need to capture everything.

4) No matter what is your age; relationship development takes time. Where you find someone rushing into things then that is an indication for you to be alert and extra cautious. Relationships are another name of patience.

5) Lastly, break-ups, hurts, cheating, are parts and parcel of life. Don’t let it dent your passion for life and love for yourself. It is not an end of a world. It is a new beginning.

Had you been in the place of Pooja, how differently, you would have handled this situation? Do you think she could have handled in a better or a different way?

Do’s and Don’ts of Using Online Dating Sites

download (26)The internet makes it possible for people to connect with other like-minded individuals who have similar needs and interests. But it can be quite daunting when first starting out. Here are several important dos and don’ts that should be followed when looking to join one of the online dating sites:

Dos

Try to get to know the potential date as much as possible via email communication before any in person meeting takes place. A well written profile should include enough information to get started with a conversation, even for the more introvert or shy type.

If a profile picture isn’t clear or appears out of date it might be because the person has something to hide. Make sure to ask for an up-to-date photo before getting too involved or moving on to a face-to-face meeting.

Be honest when writing up the profile or answering questions in a dating questionnaire. Try to think of things that make you unique or stand out, while also including your likes and dislikes. But, don’t be too honest and avoid giving out too much personal information such as your home address or phone number.

Make sure to proofread the profile or other written communication to make sure it is free of punctuation, spelling, or grammar mistakes. It tends to be more difficult to notice your own mistakes so ask a discreet friend to double-check your information.

Do use a dating site that has been able to build up a solid reputation. It helps to join one of the paid services to make it possible to interact and meet others in a safe environment, while also gaining access to more communication and search features.

Only give out the cell phone to strangers met on the dating sites. Avoid giving out the home phone number because it is quite easy to trace by those with the knowhow.

Don’ts

Avoid giving out a regular email address. Sign up to Gmail, Yahoo, or other service for a free dummy account. This account can be used for all online dating activities and can easily be deleted in the future when it is no longer needed.

Don’t simply assure that everything written in a potential dates profile is 100% true. If a profile sounds too good to be true, it might be because the person has stretched the truth or is trying to hide something.