Today’s apps are the bars and discos of our past
Our perfect perch on the bar stool was the online profile picture of today. Scanning the room then is just like looking through profiles now. Today’s swipe left or right or is no different from turning our bar stool or our shoulder to invite or cut off conversation or leaving with a handful of business cards. The advantage that we had then was that we could get a better sense of chemistry, something that is hard to know looking at a two-dimensional photo and profile on a screen. A wise volume or stack dater will use her old school dating rules to choose the men that interest her and maintain a detached attitude as she arranges meetings with her prospects to know, fairly quickly, if a match is worth pursuing.
Managing the pace of the process in an instant notification world
Who can forget running home to see if the red light on the answering machine was flashing or off? Armed with our old school dating rules we waited to return the call. Who knew if we had checked our machine? In today’s technological world of 24 hour dating he can know that the call or text message was delivered. A wise online dater will go back to her old school dating rules and keep her detached frame of mind as she makes her decisions. She will take her time and offer information and the opportunity to meet at a pace that suits her. Just because you receive a call or a message does not obligate you to respond immediately. Be present. Be mindful. Choose your time and your words.
Do your research carefully and not obsessively!
In the days before social media and search engines we tried to figure out who knew the guy and what they could tell us about him. Your old school dating rules guided you to not ask too many questions. We knew to create that detached appearance and not seem overly interested or, worse, obsessive! We waited for face to face conversation and got to know him. Work to get to know the man through the available sources, but do not lose the real person in the mix. Talk to him. Date. Put down the electronic sources and spend time together.
Conduct yourself as though you live in a small town and word will get back to your mother
Way back when there were eyes and ears everywhere word traveled to our family members quickly. We worked harder to guard our reputation and think through our actions. When you are in the getting to know you phase, remember your old school dating rules and move slowly. Enchant him. Hook him. Think with your head and not with a less reliable body part. A good frame of reference is a 90 day “probationary” period where you really get to know someone and their actions and thoughts across a wide spectrum of circumstances. Set your boundaries, stay detached until you really know who he is, take your time and protect yourself. Do not jump from meeting to relationship to a forever.
It is okay to be detached in your approach as long as you keep your heart open to magic
In our younger days our thoughts were way more romantic. Our old school dating rules gave us specific steps and the goal was, usually, a long white dress, a veil and a happily ever after. Your goal may have changed and you may be more cynical in many ways, but watch for the magic. You can still find it. Using these old school dating rules will help you to know if it is real.
“Cease to adhere to the objects to which you are attached, and you will be free from sorrow and self-pity! Only by living so can one find the true base in life! Isn’t this goal worthy of renouncing common beliefs and habits?”~Lao Tse- Tao Te Ching