Category: Relationship

5 Ways Old School Dating Rules Lead To Online Dating Success

download (25)Remember the old days when you and a posse of your best girl friends would put on your heels and go to a bar or disco to meet men? You would position yourself center of the room, scan the prospects and choose your targets. In today’s dating world our brains have become so tech focused that we wonder if we have lost the art of dating and meeting men. We knew some things back in the disco days and these important old school dating rules can guide us to online dating success.

Today’s apps are the bars and discos of our past
Our perfect perch on the bar stool was the online profile picture of today. Scanning the room then is just like looking through profiles now. Today’s swipe left or right or is no different from turning our bar stool or our shoulder to invite or cut off conversation or leaving with a handful of business cards. The advantage that we had then was that we could get a better sense of chemistry, something that is hard to know looking at a two-dimensional photo and profile on a screen. A wise volume or stack dater will use her old school dating rules to choose the men that interest her and maintain a detached attitude as she arranges meetings with her prospects to know, fairly quickly, if a match is worth pursuing.

Managing the pace of the process in an instant notification world
Who can forget running home to see if the red light on the answering machine was flashing or off? Armed with our old school dating rules we waited to return the call. Who knew if we had checked our machine? In today’s technological world of 24 hour dating he can know that the call or text message was delivered. A wise online dater will go back to her old school dating rules and keep her detached frame of mind as she makes her decisions. She will take her time and offer information and the opportunity to meet at a pace that suits her. Just because you receive a call or a message does not obligate you to respond immediately. Be present. Be mindful. Choose your time and your words.

Do your research carefully and not obsessively!
In the days before social media and search engines we tried to figure out who knew the guy and what they could tell us about him. Your old school dating rules guided you to not ask too many questions. We knew to create that detached appearance and not seem overly interested or, worse, obsessive! We waited for face to face conversation and got to know him. Work to get to know the man through the available sources, but do not lose the real person in the mix. Talk to him. Date. Put down the electronic sources and spend time together.

Conduct yourself as though you live in a small town and word will get back to your mother
Way back when there were eyes and ears everywhere word traveled to our family members quickly. We worked harder to guard our reputation and think through our actions. When you are in the getting to know you phase, remember your old school dating rules and move slowly. Enchant him. Hook him. Think with your head and not with a less reliable body part. A good frame of reference is a 90 day “probationary” period where you really get to know someone and their actions and thoughts across a wide spectrum of circumstances. Set your boundaries, stay detached until you really know who he is, take your time and protect yourself. Do not jump from meeting to relationship to a forever.

It is okay to be detached in your approach as long as you keep your heart open to magic
In our younger days our thoughts were way more romantic. Our old school dating rules gave us specific steps and the goal was, usually, a long white dress, a veil and a happily ever after. Your goal may have changed and you may be more cynical in many ways, but watch for the magic. You can still find it. Using these old school dating rules will help you to know if it is real.

“Cease to adhere to the objects to which you are attached, and you will be free from sorrow and self-pity! Only by living so can one find the true base in life! Isn’t this goal worthy of renouncing common beliefs and habits?”~Lao Tse- Tao Te Ching

Tips to Play Smartly in an Online Dating Game

download (31)Today Dating is one of the most exciting events in which people are indulging themselves. It is assumed as an adventurous game that allows people to interact with the world and make them feel that they exist in this world. If it’s a game there should be some rules to play safe and to work it appropriately. Don’t worry it’s not as hard as you are discovering it but it can be challenging for you because of a few elements such as your fear of rejection, somebody may dumped you amid the date or your date is just not as you expected it to be.

And now in this technical world it becomes easier to find your love with the help of internet dating. Web dating or internet dating is much the same as a physical dating. It allows individuals to meet somebody for all intents and purposes; even they are on remote regions. It just needs your PC and solid web association for you to speak with one another.

Along these lines, here are a portion of the things that you have to know on how you could begin with it:

Key Points of online dating:-

Tip #1: Take your time and choose wisely.

Don’t be too much excited for meeting people. There are many professional dating services available online for you to select so just spend some time in searching for the best and choose wisely. While choosing a reputed dating agency keep some points in your mind like whether you prefer a lunch date during the week or not; what kind of person you are looking for your match and many other. These online dating apps also have some guidelines according to which they work so make sure that your needs match what they can offer.

Tip #2: Make a description of what you’re looking for in a soul-mate.

When you start with a dating service, the first step in that direction is an interview with them where you’ll be asked some questions about yourself and about your expectations for your dream partner. That’s why to make the most of the interview just write down what you’re looking for before you start. So think about what you have dreamt for an ideal date, and then paint a clearer picture of what you actually want in a soul-mate.

So now when you ready with the basics let’s dig into the details and know what’s positive and negative rules are there to keep in mind.

Positive dating rules:-

  1. Be confident and look your best on the day of your date.
  2. Show your interest and calmly listen to your date what he is telling, what is his interests and yes do not forget to ask questions.
  3. Enjoy yourself with a big smile on your face while realizing that you are on a serious purpose to find your love.

Negative dating rules:-

  1. Do not lie to your partner about anything.
  2. Don’t be rude and get drunk.
  3. Don’t compromise on your personal safety whatever the case may be.

I hope you are little bit convinced with these simple tips but as we all know dating especially online dating is not an easy task to do so be very careful while you are trying your luck with such matchmaking apps and dating services. At last I would like to say Happy dating!

5 Tips to Get Started With Online Dating

download (32)For anyone new to online dating, it is essential to put in the time and effort to find a safe and relevant dating site while also providing the well written profile. Here are several important steps to get started with online dating:

Identify a preferred dating service

The online dating services are now in their thousands with sites eager to attract the attention of users of all interests. Before signing up to a particular site it is important to figure out what you want and need. Plus, there is the option to use either paid or free services. But, it usually benefits to use one of the popular sites in your niche to help increase the change of attracting a potential partner.

Use a safe and reputable service

Once you have compiled a short list of the most promising dating services make sure to give the sites a further check to make sure your data will be kept secure. Use online reviews or personal recommendations to find the perfect site before entering all of your personal information.

Write the perfect profile

One of the most difficult parts of using an online dating service is creating the charming profile that clearly highlights your qualities. Even though this part is time-consuming it is essential to get right. A profile should aim to interest, connect, and bring a smile to the face of the reader. Any profile written with style and panache is certain to help increase the response rate, while those profiles written with little effort are less likely to attract the desired attention.

Make changes to increase response rate

Even if a lot of effort was put into creating the profile, there is no guarantee that it will bring the desired success. For the profile that isn’t able to attract the desired responds there are several steps that can quickly improve the response rate. A simple technique is to make a change in the profile picture. First impressions are critical, so make sure to include an up-to-date and eye-catching picture. A memorable, unusual, or interesting picture is certain to help get the best response.

Have a chat with a potential date before meeting

The ability to chat with a potential partner before meeting face-to-face can increase the likelihood of a future date being more successful. Any email communication is one-dimensional and makes it difficult to fully appreciate what the other party is like. By moving contact to a telephone conversation, it is possible to find out things like their communication style, whether they listen to you talk, and is their voice pleasant. A 20 minute phone conversation is usually enough time to find out about a potential date.

What Makes an Online Dating Profile Attractive

download (30)Nowadays, if you’re single, you’ve probably got at least one online dating profile out there. Consider some or all of these tips to increase your profile’s attraction.

Love Your Pictures

Ensure your pictures are gorgeous because YOU are gorgeous! Even if you don’t think you’re very photogenic, you don’t want your pictures to sell you short.

Go sign up for a photoshoot in a beautiful location near you. Sites like Living Social and Groupon always have highly discounted sessions by professional local photographers.

If you don’t love the pictures in your profile, don’t be surprised when you’re receiving very few messages or responses.

Head Shot is a Must

Make sure you have at least one or more pictures that show your beautiful face clearly. If you don’t like any pictures you currently have, make it a priority to get some nice ones taken of you.

Updated Pics

Try not to post pictures from more than 2 years ago – especially if you’ve gained or lost weight since then. Both men and women often complain that the person who showed up is not the person they saw in the photos. Bait and switch can cause suitors to feel like any potential relationship is starting off with a lie.

If you don’t like how you look today, find some clothes that compliment you anyway, and have someone take some great pictures of you in them. Then, set an intention to commit to your health from now on.

Purpose and Passion

Make sure you include plenty of pictures of yourself doing things you love and give you joy!

If yoga is something you love, get your friend to take some pictures of you doing yoga in the nearby park.

If teaching horseback riding to children is something that gives you purpose, have their parents take pictures of you doing it the next time you’re out there.

If you love to travel, keep in mind that you’re collecting dating profile pictures of yourself, and have your travel partner (or friendly strangers, if you travel alone) take many pictures of you in front of your beautiful travel backdrops!

Just like you, good potential partners are looking for people who take joy out of life, and who presumably have more going on than just working and commuting back and forth every day.

Avoid Selfies

Surely you can do better than this! Selfies beg the question, “Does this person have no friends to take a picture of him?” Anyway, we can see those tiled walls behind you… and now someone’s picturing you in your bathroom… Is that how you want someone to picture you for the first time?

Be Among Others You Love

If you must include a selfie, let it be a selfie of you and your friends enjoying each others’ company.

Fix Your Syntax

This is overlooked by many. Use an editing feature to ensure all grammar, spelling, and typos are cleaned up. Then read the bio out loud to yourself.

Avoid Negativity

If you’ve recently become cynical about all the weirdos who are messaging you on your profile, don’t make reference to them in your profile. Example: “If you’re a creepy loser, don’t bother messaging me.”

Similarly, mentioning even in passing how you’ve been slighted or hurt in the past is not something that needs to be in your profile bio. Don’t make future suitors pay for the mistakes of those in your past! Great partners will sense that insecurity and be turned off by it.

Keep It Short

If your bio is as long as this article (676 words), then it’s too long.

Make some positive observations about life in your profile, include things you feel passionate about, but leave some mystery for the first date.

A Final Note

Remember that all the people who are looking at your profile are there for one reason — romantic interaction, and your online dating profile is the first impression that will attract them.

You want to make sure it is reflective of who you are, and what kind of a relationship you want.

Can Online Dating Be Used As a Form of Therapy

download (29)Sounds pretty absurd, doesn’t it? But what if you turned this idea on its head? What if instead of seeing online dating as an obstacle, you used it as an opportunity?

Dating Can Feel Hopeless

Any of us who’ve ever used online dating to find a relationship know that it can be both frustrating and overwhelming to try and sift through the endless other people out there searching.

First, the weird profiles. Then, the disappointing dates. Sometimes, you even end up with what you feel like is a great date but then he never calls again or it fizzles after a while or maybe you even considered it a relationship but now it’s over.

So, you give up. “Forget it,” you tell yourself. “Online dating is not working. It’s never gonna work. I’ll be alone the rest of my life.”

Doesn’t that sound so familiar? Any of us who’ve experienced dating online have definitely been there.

Dating as Therapy

But just as therapy gives people tools to help them relieve or heal a disorder, so too can the process of dating (when done in the right manner) be a tool to help you work through your pain of past relationships and fears of ‘never finding the one.’

With the right guidance, I’m telling you it’s not only possible to find what you are looking for, but the process to get there can feel a whole lot less hopeless and frustrating.

In fact, you may even enjoy yourself, and gain ever more confidence through it.

But How?

The key is to first determine what it is you’re truly looking for. Next, figure out what patterns of situation have been showing up frequently, and what the biggest challenges have been.

Once you identify these two items, you will be able to be more honest with yourself about your observations of potential partners.

Working on yourself, focusing on yourself, and creating boundaries around yourself will allow you to navigate online dating in a much more freeing way.

It sounds harder than it is, but actually, what you’re doing is simply narrowing your focus only on people who are potential candidates for a fantastic committed relationship, instead of blindly choosing someone based on looks, similar interests, or income levels.

It Is Possible!

When I figured out what I was doing in my dating life that was not serving me, suddenly the hope and possibility of a fantastic committed relationship became real.

Through this new perspective it was like I looked around and realized that my fears were not reality at all! I had potential suitors coming in from all directions, and now it was my job to choose from them.

And over time, the potential candidates to choose from went from weird creepy guys to attractive fellows with admirable and interesting qualities.

I enjoyed many a date with many different men, but more importantly was enamored with my own life the entire time.

This allowed me to open up to someone whom I may have either dismissed unknowingly before, or whom I’d have never come across because I’d given up on dating, but who has since become someone with whom I’m sharing a loving and committed relationship.

I believe that anyone who’s willing to examine more closely what is happening in her life, take the steps to improve her situation, and remain committed to herself throughout the process, can have what she is looking for.

Traits You Need To Date Online Successfully

images (8)Humans are social beings and relationships are therefore vital. Falling in love is simply wonderful and it elevates you to a place you haven’t been before. There is really nothing as good as loving and being loved in return. Apart from getting into relationships the traditional way, technology now makes it simple for singles from all over the world to connect and even fall in love. And just like the traditional kind of dating, there are traits you need to have to be a success in online dating.

Honesty

The modern society has absorbed so many things even those that were previously thought immoral. For instance, the disgust that came with dating for money or dating for sex is no longer that much of disgust. There is therefore no reason to lie about what your true intentions are. Honesty should begin with you so you are able to be honest with other singles, especially when making your online profile. When you are upholding honesty, then you are able to join the right dating site and meet people looking for the same things you are.

Patience

This is very important to have because things do not always work as you expect them to. Online dating does give you great exposure compared to traditional dating but it does not mean that it will take only a day for you to find your ideal partner. It might actually take longer before you find someone you really connect with and someone you wish to know better. The least you can have is patience because it will save you from giving up along the way and rob you off the chance of meeting the one meant for you.

Commitment

This is commitment to search and maintain relationships you feel have potential to develop into something. Even though your profile might be available to the hundreds or thousands of singles who are members on the site, you still must commit time to also conduct a search and to evaluate interests so you can make sound decisions and work on relationships. A potential relationship will only yield fruits when you have the time to accord it some input so do your part and do it well.

Dignity

Just because you have turned online to find love doesn’t and should not make you desperate in any way. You should never allow people to take advantage of you just because they feel you are needy of their love. Enter into the world of online dating with your dignity in place and you will not give any room to people who have wrong intentions and motives. Value yourself and have standards and do not let anyone make you feel any less valuable than you are.

Confidence

If you keep on worrying whether other singles will find you attractive because of your age, weight, looks and other aspects that you are not very proud of, then your chances of being successful remain very minimal. Develop self-confidence and remember that the right person will like and love you just the way you are.

Relationship Status Investigation

download (28)Sometimes I wonder if technologies have helped us in making our life simpler or it has made it more complicated. Whether social media and social applications are meant to bring us closer to one another or to drift us apart? What do you need to know about an individual before you start giving your trust to them? Do you think if you talk to people once in a month, chat with them on WhatsApp every day and meet them once or twice in a year, is enough to trust them? If your answer is yes, then read further.

It was Friday night at around 11 PM when I received numerous messages on my WhatsApp from my friend, Sheetal Katkar, asking me to investigate about and get some information about Dronesh Mishra, who is based out of Nagpur. I was feeling very sleepy and at that point of time, I didn’t even care to read the entire text.

I know Sheetal for last 12 years. We might not be best of the buddies but we know enough about each other to fit into the definition of friendship. She is from Nagpur. In last 12 years, there were occasions when we didn’t communicate with one another for a couple of years and there were occasions when we stayed in touch on a daily basis for 7-8 months in a year. Sheetal is 35 years of age and working in Bangalore in the back-office of a leading bank.

Next day morning while taking my morning tea, I read the entire text shared by Sheetal on my WhatsApp. However, I decided to verify few details before wearing my investigation hat. “Who is this Dronesh? Why do you need to know about him? How did you know him?” I asked.

“Dronesh is known to my sister, Pooja since December 2014. She found him on one of the leading matrimony sites. Pooja is working with Software Development Company in Bangalore; while Dronesh is working in Delhi with an IT giant. They want to get married. Only once did I meet this guy and I found him decent. He is in touch with me through WhatsApp. However, we don’t know much about him. We don’t know his address. We don’t know about his family. And most importantly, we don’t know if he is single or already married,” she summarized.

“What do you know about this guy”?

“Nothing”

“What does Pooja know about him? How often do they meet?”

“They have met on few occasions. They usually stayed in touch through WhatsApp, Google Talk, and daily phone calls. She knows about his family. He has widow mother. She knows about his job and about his future plans, etc. Having known to each other for last one year, now they want to get married. Even his mother is asking him to get married soon. He is already 35 years of age; while Pooja is 31 years old”.

“Okay. Message me his contact details”.

After about half-an-hour, I called her up.

“Sheetal, this guy doesn’t seem to exist. There is no one with this name on Facebook, or Twitter, or LinkedIn, or Instagram, not even on any Job Portal”.

“That’s what. He is not on social media sites. He says that he don’t like to be on FB and Twitter, it’s waste of time. He doesn’t want to be on LinkedIn because he doesn’t need it. That’s the challenge. How can we find out about him without his knowledge? We don’t have common friends. Pooja has already spoken to our parents and they have given expressive approval but even they need to meet his family and parents”.

In today’s world, when CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies are on LinkedIn; when everyone is on FB and Twitter, he is not there. He is working for an IT organization. That’s very strange. But what should I do now? That’s my challenge.

Let’s take help of another App, Truecaller. As I key in the number, I found the name of some Ranjeev Singh Thakur. I thought maybe Dronesh has taken help from his colleague or friend to get a phone number on their name, probably when he was new to Delhi. But it made my work a bit more difficult. The Social identity of Ranjeev Singh Thakur can either be Ranjeev Singh Thakur, or it can be Ranjeev Singh or maybe Ranjeev Thakur.

Let’s try.

On LinkedIn, I found FIVE profiles with the name of Ranjeev Singh Thakur – TWO profiles with Display Pictures (DP’s) and THREE without Display Pictures. I downloaded both DP’s and sent to Sheetal and asked her to identify if one of them is Dronesh. To my surprise, she identified one of them as Dronesh.

“Are you sure”, I asked. In a case of any doubt, ask your sister to reconfirm.

After half an hour, she called back and reassured one of them as Dronesh.

For a moment, I was speechless and didn’t know how to react and what to say. The guy Pooja was meeting as her probable future husband, Dronesh was in real Ranjeev Singh Thakur. He wasn’t working with IT giant, as claimed by him but working with a Financial Service Company as Area Sales Manager.

Anyways, I called up both the sister, took them in a conference call and broke the news. They were equally shocked as I was.

Another fact that I found from his Twitter post was a fact that he was married 2011. Whether he is still married or not, I am not sure but he was married in 2011. Ranjeev has created a Gmail account with the name of Dronesh Mishra and he was using this identity to register on matrimonial and other social sites. Through this identity, he was communicating with at least ELEVEN females from across India.

At the end of it, I was uncertain of my emotions. Should I feel happy to have saved the life of a female OR should I feel sad for creating more problems for her?

The investigation was one part of this story. The complicated and more dangerous part was the confrontation, realization, and acceptance. At first, Dronesh refused to accept his identity as Ranjeev. But when we asked him to show his passport or Pan Card or Bank Account Statement, he accepted it. He apologized to Pooja and asked her to marry him. He further said that he has divorced his wife in 2013.

Pooja was hurt. She felt cheated. She didn’t want to keep any communication with him. As we say in the language of social media, she blocked his number. He wasn’t an easy net to crack. He began to stalk her. He threatened her to leak their intimate pictures and videos on the internet. Finally, we took the help of police. At the time of writing of this story, he is in jail for last SIX months.

From this case, few things are very clear –

1) Though there are no right or wrong ways of dating and while dating you don’t carry identify or address proofs. Yet, I think you can find the real identity of an individual after 2-3 meetings.

2) On one side, where social media has given a platform to increase your visibility and create your personal brand; it has also given new masks to fraudulent people and criminals to hide their identity.

3) We are living in the age of selfies; where we like to capture everything around us, capturing our every special moment, however, use your personal judgment to decide the line of control. You don’t need to capture everything.

4) No matter what is your age; relationship development takes time. Where you find someone rushing into things then that is an indication for you to be alert and extra cautious. Relationships are another name of patience.

5) Lastly, break-ups, hurts, cheating, are parts and parcel of life. Don’t let it dent your passion for life and love for yourself. It is not an end of a world. It is a new beginning.

Had you been in the place of Pooja, how differently, you would have handled this situation? Do you think she could have handled in a better or a different way?

Do’s and Don’ts of Using Online Dating Sites

download (26)The internet makes it possible for people to connect with other like-minded individuals who have similar needs and interests. But it can be quite daunting when first starting out. Here are several important dos and don’ts that should be followed when looking to join one of the online dating sites:

Dos

Try to get to know the potential date as much as possible via email communication before any in person meeting takes place. A well written profile should include enough information to get started with a conversation, even for the more introvert or shy type.

If a profile picture isn’t clear or appears out of date it might be because the person has something to hide. Make sure to ask for an up-to-date photo before getting too involved or moving on to a face-to-face meeting.

Be honest when writing up the profile or answering questions in a dating questionnaire. Try to think of things that make you unique or stand out, while also including your likes and dislikes. But, don’t be too honest and avoid giving out too much personal information such as your home address or phone number.

Make sure to proofread the profile or other written communication to make sure it is free of punctuation, spelling, or grammar mistakes. It tends to be more difficult to notice your own mistakes so ask a discreet friend to double-check your information.

Do use a dating site that has been able to build up a solid reputation. It helps to join one of the paid services to make it possible to interact and meet others in a safe environment, while also gaining access to more communication and search features.

Only give out the cell phone to strangers met on the dating sites. Avoid giving out the home phone number because it is quite easy to trace by those with the knowhow.

Don’ts

Avoid giving out a regular email address. Sign up to Gmail, Yahoo, or other service for a free dummy account. This account can be used for all online dating activities and can easily be deleted in the future when it is no longer needed.

Don’t simply assure that everything written in a potential dates profile is 100% true. If a profile sounds too good to be true, it might be because the person has stretched the truth or is trying to hide something.

5 Reasons You Haven’t Found Your Soulmate Through That Dating App Yet

download (24)Face it. The real reason you can’t find your soulmate through that dating app is because you’re using it wrong. Clearly you must not be clicking on the right button, otherwise Mr. Right would have appeared by now!

Just kidding. But seriously. Maybe you ARE using it wrong. Not, like, functions-wise. I’m sure your pictures are beautiful and your bio is clever and informative. But what if you’re not really taking it seriously? Maybe you believe the hype that dating apps are causing a dating “apocalypse?”

The truth is that the dating app is just another tool you can use on the path to finding a healthy, loving relationship. And an arguably very useful one at that.

Consider that if you find yourself doing any of the following 5 things, you might be blocking yourself from finding your soulmate:

1. You’re not being honest with your dates about what you’re looking for in relationship. Too many times I’ve heard people give the advice that women shouldn’t reveal off the bat if they’re looking for a committed, monogamous relationship.

But, why not? It’s not like you have to tell him on the first date that you’re looking for a committed, monogamous relationship with HIM, per se. Just that you’re seeking one of those in general.

If someone is so weak-minded that he freaks out and runs away after hearing that, consider yourself lucky without him. Additionally, if he’s not looking to be in a committed, monogamous relationship himself at the moment, then you just saved yourself a lot of trouble down the line, i.e., after you’ve gotten attached and he’s headed for the hills.

2. You’re not being honest with yourself about what you’re NOT willing to put up with. For example, you have continued to see someone who’s made it clear he’s not ready for a relationship – with you. Yet that’s somehow okay with you, because, well, YOU decided YOU’RE ready for a relationship with HIM.

Not having clear boundaries around what kind of a relationship you deserve, could leave you in denial about a bad situation, and slowly eat away at your self-esteem and self-value.

3. You’re chasing guys but don’t think it’s a problem. Are you following up with him the day before a scheduled date, just to make sure you’re still on? Chasing. Are you initiating contact of any kind with him? Chasing. Are you planning the date? Chasing. Calling him just to check in when you haven’t heard from him? Chasing.

Trust me. If a guy likes you and wants to see you, you’ll know it. Let him come to you. Don’t chase him, otherwise you’ll never know where you stand with him.

4. You believe all the lies you’re telling yourself about why you’re still single.

“I’ve dated all the available men in the city by now!” Um, impossible.

“There are no datable guys out there!” So not true.

“Men are intimidated by me.” Maybe the insecure ones, but you don’t want those guys anyway, trust me. Real men love independent, powerful women, who let them into their hearts.

“I’m not hot enough.” Girl, please; if you figure out how to love yourself – and I mean Really. Love. Yourself. – you will have so many suitors you won’t know what to do with them all.

“But I’m too old!” Last I checked, there were tons of men in your desired age group looking for love, too.

“All guys want from dating apps is to hook up; they don’t want to commit to a relationship.” While dating apps certainly make it easier for the guys-looking-to-hook-up, TO hook up, you can sift through those guys by making it clear from the beginning what you’re looking for–IF what you’re looking for is more than just a hookup. See my first point, above.

5. You’re giving up too easily after a few unsuccessful dates, then blaming the dating app. It is definitely frustrating when you’re the kind of person who likes to have control over everything in your life, to not know when love is going to show up for you. But rest assured that if you exist, he’s somewhere out there too.

In the meantime, go spend your time finding what gives your life meaning, purpose, and joy, keep going out on dates, and set a real intention to figure out how to love yourself. When that happens, it’s only a matter of time before you eventually click on the button that will reveal… your soulmate?

How Long Should I Wait Before Meeting My Online Date for the First Time?

download (27)There is no sense in communicating with someone endlessly, talking on the phone for hours and days, if you can just as easily do so in person to find out if you like each other.

Therefore, you should try to meet up with someone you’re interested in as soon as possible. In other words, within 2 weeks of striking up conversation.

This prevents several things.

Don’t Waste Your Time

First, it prevents you from wasting your time on someone with whom you have no chemistry. Let’s say you spend several days and even weeks texting, or otherwise communicating with each other, not in person.

Let’s say you finally meet, and – woops! – there’s no chemistry there for you. Talk about a let down! Here you’ve built up this person, thinking your first date would culminate in fireworks, because of how fun it was to chat back and forth.

Instead, he was a dud, and you realize now that you aren’t very much interested in communicating with him going forward. Next!

Who Is This Person, Anyway?

Another reason why communicating too much before a first date is bad is because you don’t really know with whom you’re communicating – is this person really who he says he is?

You may have heard of the term “catfish” lately. The definition of a catfish is someone who claims to be one thing online but is someone completely different in real life.

Examples of catfish are gay/questioning women posing as men, or gay/questioning men posing as women, attempting to attract someone of their same sex, but without being honest about their own gender or sexual orientation.

Some catfish are the gender they say they are, but are stealing other people’s social media photos, and passing them off as their own.

Other examples of catfish are foreign men in developing countries who sit at an internet cafe all day, pretending to be the kind of person someone is looking for, and somehow managing to swindle vulnerable people (often older folks) out of hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars, using emotional and romantic manipulation.

Hopefully, you never come across a catfish. But the best way to combat this trap is to ensure you meet your new potential love interest in person as soon as possible.

Beware Excuses

If you’ve tried more than once to meet up with your date, and the excuses seem to keep on coming, just give up. He or she is either a catfish, or just not that interested in starting a relationship.